How do we really know if our “friendships” are healthy? Friends are there for you no matter what. They will walk the ends of the earth with you, take arms and fight beside you on any matter, they will back you whether you are wrong or right, they love you unconditionally, and will hurt anyone who hurts you, they will be there if your heartbroken, but they will surely be there to accept you when or if family does not. Right?
Friends can and will have arguments, disagreements, and may throw punches but in the end, they are still the ones standing next to you when things are shit. This is what I give in my friendships………………am I wrong to think this?
Kai (my husband) ended a “friendship” a few weeks ago over what I consider a really fucking stupid matter BUT none the less it became a total shit show.
Kai, is a hairstylist ( a damn good one- I have proof) became close friends with a co-worker- let’s call her- fuck face- no really – let’s call her……………….Karen ( lol).
Sadly, “Karen” is in a loveless, emotionally abusive marriage. She and my husband, Kai- become really good friends and close to the point where IF I weren’t secure in my marriage I could have easily become suspicious of her true intentions. (hindsight 20/20)- right?) However, Kai has always maintained boundaries and respects our marriage plus I never had any reason to NOT trust my husband.
During the course of over a year, Karen became literally like a “third wheel” – wherever we went or did anything- one of two things happened- Either Karen and her husband joined us, OR two- we invited Karen to come do things with us that her husband refused ( like theme parks, we LOVE theme parks, her husband does not) SO being a good friend we invited her and her son to join us, which seemed liked ALL THE MOTHER FUCKING TIME, now that I think about it.
Kai, always makes it known that I come first- he lives by the motto- Happy Wife, Happy Life. Kai will drop anything and everything to make me happy. SO one day – I decided I wanted to have a day just for US. NO friends, NO friends- children, just US. I mean, I do have that right to have day with my husband, don’t I?
Well…………………….. that went over like a fart in church! Apparently, Karen disagrees. Karen blew a fucking fuse!! saying how hurt SHE was and then ghosted Kai refusing to respond to any texts or calls. ME? I didn’t care two shits about how Karen felt, what she had to say or mending anything. She is LUCKY I allowed her to be as involved in our lives as much as she was-so NO, KAREN, I DON’T give a flying fuckity, fuck about you! about your “hurt” feelings, or fucking entitlement. you are the Friend, say it with me, Karen- FRRRRRIIIIIEEEENNND. How about this? I will give a shit when you are either financing me or fucking me- other than that- nope don’t care. I can put some of your business out there if ya want BUT I am striving to be a better person so I will hold your secrets, respectfully. 😉
Kai on the other hand was deeply hurt. He blamed himself for not being considerate to his friend but then he stopped himself and realized just how fucked Karen’s behavior is. Karen had a lot to say about me when she finally decided to respond to Kai. This I found funny since she did not text me but rather my husband. Come on- you have anything to say about ME- say it to me. UNLIKE you, Karen, I fight my own battles and trust me when I say- I fight my battles to the very end! I may not win them all but YOU WILL know I was there because I will leave my mark one way or another.
Friends, I am writing about this because this relationship was TOXIC. Unfortunately, we did not realize just how manipulative Karen is and played on our sympathy and we were her violins constantly dancing to her tune. Why? Kai and I felt blessed in our lives so we wanted to be there for anyone to give back. Pay it forward, as the saying goes. We live by that. Karma and all. There is a danger to this because it seems the vampires can smell our generosity from 100 miles away. Stepping away from the friendship is when we realized just how toxic it all became. Kai and I spent our time making sure EVERYONE in our lives were taken care of, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and yes financially to the point WE lost ourselves and our marriage suffered. We were so exhausted we neglected not only our individual needs but our marriage too. This is when we realized that we were right smack in the middle of not ONE but multiple toxic relationships/friendships. so yes, bye-bye Karen and I say this with all the love in my heart for you. I hope you choke on your self- entitlement and remember all the times’ Kai and I were there for you when no one else was, even your own husband. AND there will come a day when you will mourn the loss of our friendship.
Relationships whether it is lovers, friends, or family, are based on LOVE and RESPECT, NOT manipulation, NOT obligation, and NOT an entitlement. Know your self. Know your WORTH! and never allow anyone to make you feel like you OWE them anything.