For ten years I watched my children grow up through pictures. Little snippets over time. It was a world I wanted to be in. If anyone ever felt guilty for whatever sin created against me, I knew I could count on a picture of my children.
Now as adults I watch them through social media. This is the only way I have a small clue of what is going on in their lives. Even the occasional visit with each other can’t possibly cover everything I want to know or be a part of with them.
I am a new or re-newed presence in their life. A foreign yet familiar presence. They do not have the “habit” to include me. Understanding this I make no complaint. I really have none. I am lucky to just have a small piece, some parents have none.
Everything is a blessing when it comes to my children. All their happiness is worth every battle wound. Every teardrop that washed my cheeks, and every moment they hated me.
Some people say I have an odd way of looking at things. My children OWE me NOTHING! It is I that created them with my desire to have them. They did not ask to be born but given to me as a gift. A gift I am to cherish, love and protect. A gift that guarantees my immortality. Blood throughout the generations. I wanted immortality and the universe gave. They are my legacy.
A mother is to endure as much pain as she can in order to pull it away from her children. Life is balance, so a child will experience pain; however these pains help shape their character. A mother KNOWS her child will have pain in their life. However, a mother will still make the strongest effort to shield her child.
My very own mother had the best intentions but worst actions. I, unfortunately, inherited that trait. I hope it stopped with me. So far so good.
The time I have had with them and the time I hope to have in the future will have placed a love, a respect, and a loyalty for me. Regardless who they are everyone should earn the respect and award the loyalty. Just because I am their mother doesn’t mean that HAVE to respect me, love, me or be loyal to me. Rather than explaining- just dwell on that for awhile……
I would rather have my children hate me for doing something to protect them- it was always about the bigger picture- One day I hope they see it.