Sex and mishaps

Farting Orgasm

Have you ever farted during sex? I don’t mean the pussy farts. I mean a fart, fart. Like during an out of this world orgasm?  I mean what do you do?  Ignore it, laugh, smile or just do what I did and FREEZE. Hopefully, you won’t get a high five and “nice” from your partner.

Thankfully, that didn’t happen to me.

I literally just froze like that was going to grant my wish to disappear.  When you are in the heat of passion your whole body wants to celebrate. I guess my ass had something to say…. like  “fucking A ! ”   I was hoping my excited responses dulled the sound of my fart and I was really hoping the wind of my fart didn’t whisp across any of my partners body parts…… I am thinking if ya can’t hear it, feel it, or smell it.  Then it didn’t happen.  Whew!  I think I went unnoticed.  I mean it happened so suddenly.

My eyes flew open the moment I realized my ass was gonna blow. I watched my partner for any signs of acknowledgement.  There was a slight hesitation but kept on going.  Like it was no big deal or maybe thinking it was a quief (pussy fart).  Then I panicked!  I prayed, I conjured up a spell, I screamed to the Gods!  “please don’t stink, please don’t stink”.  I raced through my mental rolodex trying to remember what I had eaten in the last 24 hours.

Fuck! I ate a taco salad for lunch!  As I layed there holding my breath, not for the stink but trying to come up with some sort of distraction.  Something kinky, something wild, something that will overpower any smell.  My eyes scan the room desperately hoping, wishing, demanding something would appear.  And there is was….. on the nightstand……my bath and body works lotion.  Thank you to the universe, thank you thank you.

In order to keep the flow, the rhythm I had to stay let’s say “in motion”.  I managed to inch my way closer.  Grabbing the lotion AND flipping over my partner like some trained gymnastics finalist.  I excitedly squirt lotion all over myself screaming “rub me; rub me on the outside too”…………….. great I sound like a fucking porno movie, but hey who cares?  the possible stink of my fart slipped quietly away.

So next time this happens to you- go for the wild, go for the kinky…………… you just might get a surprise …………. I did.  (wink)

 

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