I did not create this reality, you did; everyone did but surely not me. There is no way I would have purposely created THIS for myself. I struggle daily trying to find my place in the world. I envy anyone who is so set in their convictions. They embrace it yet I refuse mine. I live between reality and the awareness of my fucked up existence. I stare at people and think ‘ this is not real’ who created this? me? them? That’s the frustrating thing- no one knows. It must be them. Who is them? No one seems to know or perhaps they do not care. They hold on to “them” like the divine spiritual being of authority. We fail to ask for credentials. We believe “them” foolheartedly. My conscious mind rages against my rebellious subconscious. Honesty pushes my brain against my skull. Closing my eyes, taking a deep breath I convince my ego that I am in control. I know what is real. I am lying. The world wake is really my dream. I look forward to sleeping since this is the place time does not exist and I can be anything, anywhere. Then I wonder, am I creating this dream world? or is it a program that is inserted to play out a subliminal message for me to act out in the daily routine called my life?
I am on verge of something. I feel the crack. Soon it will shatter.