My wife and I try to have date nights. Sounds simple enough. Every couple should have date nights to break away from the mundane. We spend so much time at work, household chores, and family obligations we tend to forget each other. The last thing on our mind at bedtime is romance. Falling facedown into our pillow we manage a mumbled ” I love you” before the chorus of snores echo the room. However, on that rare occasion, we go out. I must point out date night is different for us than lest say for a “straight” couple. When my wife and I go out we are treated quite differently. Most of the time at restaurants we are stared at, assaulted with hushed whispers, and depending on the server we may get ignored. This is not wise for the server, of course, because everyone knows that lesbians are excellent tippers. Sooooo hey there Miss stick up your ass server you might want to treat EVERYONE with respect.
As we begin to order, like clockwork the server ALWAYS asks- will this be on separate checks? Now, why didn’t you ask that man and woman that very same question? Now, this simple question shouldn’t make my ass twitch but it does. I can’t help it. I mentally deduct a dollar from her tip. Patiently, my wife smiles and proceeds to order for me thus implying we are TOGETHER. I watch the server as her understanding creeps in. Nervously, the server shifts her eyes at me then takes a small step back. Calmly I smile at her but all she can do is stare at me like I am some kind of circus freak. What does she expect me to do? Grow a magic beard, breathe through my fish gills, or reveal I have a third boob? Relax! I am not gonna “infect” you.
Once all is established, understood, and ordered, we wait. During our dinner, we have minor little inconveniences but nothing that would justify another deduction in the tip. I am aware of these inconveniences but I am NOT an asshole looking for things that are not there. This is important. My wife and I experience all kinds of prejudice but we don’t go look for it or make something out of nothing. There are times when I do get suspicious like when we are seated in the very back of the restaurant near the bathrooms or kitchen. OR better yet, if the server has a wicked sense of humor- we will get seated next to a family. It is the little things that may go unnoticed to others but we read the intention loud and clear. We are unwelcomed. We are the relatives our family won’t discuss or claim. We are the ones receiving watered-down drinks, semi-cold meals, or passed by when a refill is asked. We are cautious of every move we make to ensure we are RESPECTFUL of our fellow diners. We are here to enjoy our evening just like them. We are here to unwind and relax. So why aren’t we given that same respect? Well, that is a whole other post.
My wife and I should be able to enjoy a nice dinner without the constant reminder that we are the circus freaks under this tent and we unknowingly are here to entertain, to be gossiped about, and have eyes cast disapproval in our direction. We are there to remind them to never be like us. We are here so they can feel superior.
It is a simple dinner. In a simple restaurant. This is our date night.